CATE*GORIES

when laughing manically alone doesn't suffice

Another Hit from the Avocado Burglar

Another Hit from the Avocado Burglar

It seems my neighbors are HUGE on trying to steal my things. First my nanny, now my avocados.

One of the cool things about our house is that we have two different types of avocado trees in our backyard. They ripen at different times, providing for a somewhat steady, free supply of avocados to introduce to my little guy, mash up with eggs and onions, or use in homemade guac.

We do not, however, have a fence.

Since we bought just last year, our friendlier neighbors have stopped by before to ask if they are as welcome now to take avocados from the tree as our home’s previous owner had allowed them to be.

“Of course!!” we’ve always replied. There are an abundance of avocados on the tree and I wouldn’t describe myself as avo-CRAAAAZY, so we have plenty to share.

Still, HOW NICE IT WAS OF THEM TO ASK, because then you have this repeat offender.

avocado burglar

That’s right, I caught you on candid camera, sir, and I’ve witnessed your antics at least three different times. You catch my eye because you alarmingly prance right by my window and into my backyard like it’s yours, bringing your precious pup along for the guilty trip.

I have so many questions, sir!

Why do you think this is okay?! The trees are literally on our property. The grass you’re standing on is our backyard, sir. We literally purchased the trees along with the home. We own the trees, sir.

Also, I’m home sir. I am taking pictures of you from the window. I don’t feel creepy doing so because I’m not sure what you’ll be daring enough to do next and I’m capturing evidence, sir.

Is it that you had permission from the previous owner and feel that it still applies? Are you unaware that the house was sold? Have you mistaken our yard for a public park? Do you just literally not GAF?

I’m going with the latter, because even when my mom had Declan out by the pool a couple of weeks ago, loudly clapping and pointing out all of the wildlife by our backyard lake, here you come walking right by her and into the same yard for your grocery trip.

avocado burglar mom and dec.JPG

Not even a “hi there!”, no “well hello, may I take an avocado or two?” Nada. And just because you’re quick and accompanied by a cute dog and you’re able to fit the one or two you take into your pocket, I SEE YOU, SIR. AND YOU SIR, ARE GUILTY.

TAKE the avocados. In fact, I’d prefer that you do because I’m all avocado-ed out this season and if they fall before being taken, we have to go out and rid of them before they attract animals.

So selfishly, sir, I want you to take the avocados.

I just don’t know who TF you think you are.

I’d warn you about the abundance of fire ant mounds that surround that tree, sir, but I don’t want to impede on your antisocial, self-sufficient preferences.

Do you think it’s weird he didn’t ask and doesn’t acknowledge us?! What would YOU do?!



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