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Dragonflies

Dragonflies

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Well, I’m anxious by nature, which causes me to worry and fear things more than others would.  Does that make me an overachiever?

As a mom now, it’s even worse.  I’m scared of everything.  Everything makes me nervous!  On the surface, I’m cool, calm, and collected.  Inside, I’m a full-blown lunatic with racing thoughts, unnecessary (OR NECESSARY?!) worries, and insecurities.

I’m not a fan of dragonflies.  There are a lot here in the neighborhood.  They’re huge and they swarm in masses on front lawns.  The palmetto bug– which is just a fancy name for huge flying cockroach here in Florida– is similar in size, so my eyes always widen when trying to focus on WTF that is flying in my path… a harmless dragonfly, or flying terror?

Have you ever heard of the C25k program? It’s an app that coaches a couch potato into a 5k runner (myeh, slow jogger here) in a matter of 8 weeks.  I completed it twice in the past.  I ran (slow-jogged) my first 5k in 2014, right before our wedding.

Then, two years later and 5 months after the birth of my little one, I completed my second.  As the overachiever I already noted I must be, I even purchased a treadmill around this time with full intentions of using it throughout the week.

That was 8 months ago.

The treadmill is literally dusty.  I realize I could fix this with some Pledge but you get the idea.

In the time since, I’ve struggled to find the time to jog.  I have the same “excuses” as everyone else.  There’s no time.  There’s time for ice cream.  There’s time for wine.  There’s even time for beers in the pool but, alas, there’s no time for jogging.

And then there’s guilt.  I could be using my precious lunch hour to bond with my little guy who’s conveniently in the living room with his nanny.  Am I a bad mom for seeking this “me time”?

Or is that just another excuse I could depend on?

I went with the latter.

Happy to report that I re-downloaded the program and started back on Day 1 this afternoon.  Trying to kill two birds with one stone, I opted to slow-jog outside in the beaming sun around 12:30 PM here in Florida to darken my skin.

One headache later, I feel like I’m back!

You know what I actually fear?  Picturing my son’s future without me in it.  Trying to zip the jeans I bought once the inches were lost a couple years back, and failing.  Seeing the scale go up anymore. Getting prematurely winded at the park and disappointing my son.

Jogging… getting back into a routine… finding time for myself… is not scary.  It’s empowering.  It’s refreshing.  Revitalizing.

I passed multiple herds of dragonflies on my slow jog.  Blegh.  I guess I’m still working on avoiding ALL of my fears…

They sure did inspire me to run more quickly, though.



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